Bakal na Kamao and Other Illusions (Possibly my Last Political Post)

When he crashed into the scene, he was an ironic breath of fresh air. He was not the usual disente politiko who talks sweet words, not the son/daughter of a past president (like so many presidents) nor past presidentiable, not even a vice-president.  A foul- mouthed mayor who claims to have murdered and will murder more for the nation that he spoke that would be free of criminality and is run by discipline. And he had a city to prove it.

Thus because of some initial results and good changes  many did wake up from believing and clinging into the illusion of the  good mannered, good bred, career politician/s, but only to almost, almost,  slip into another illusion- that the iron fist, disciplined ruler is a good ruler. 

And only a pandemic stopped this eventual slide into another dream.

 (our own city is not an exemption.)

We know now that the Bakal na Kamao, the iron fist, is mostly only applied to those who are weak, not to those who are powerful, and more importantly that "it" needs to be fed.

No partying unless you are a police officer, or someone influential, you could even use the line "tao lang" if you are caught, drop your mask, violate health protocols, that is, if you are somebody.

But if you are nobody, a common tao, well, be punished, stand in the open field for a day, do some community work, let someone shout at you, be incarcerated, be fined outrageous amounts, wear your mask! etc

The "bakal na kamao" is only a "bakal "to some tao, to others it's a soft, compassionate, massaging hand. It is not absolute as advertised.

That's the illusion. The first one.

Why is it two-faced? because its a living organism of its own, the one who wields it pays for it with his/her soul. If we have souls if not, we pay with gold, positions, favors (excuses).

That is the second illusion.

and then the third.

The Bakal na Kamao is not an iron fist but one that carries a gun.

We read in history and find out that those "people power" revolution's main turning point is when the military finally joins in the takeover. and those military men involved in coups or revolutions are given government positions (some become life long senators) one became a president. many are pardoned(some more than once) by the next administration in a bid to tip the scales. 

So uneasy is the crown that securing the military and police seems to be of paramount importance, and that any claim to power with force is just another kowtow to this particular power. They are not as strng as they appear.

We did not see all of this when we voted, when I voted.

We were like dehydrated wanderers in a dessert and in our thirst we saw this mirage that was unlike any other oases we have seen before and rushed into it like madmen.

And this happens every time.

 I  remember when we joined in the jokes of then President Erap's assumed stupidity, he also said "walang kumpakumpare" (it was another kumpare who would expose him), the media was rife with Erap jokes. The Joke was on us. We lamented how the Filipino could have voted for one such as him. We were young we thought we knew that it was better that he was gone. and we followed the impeachment trial with fervor, thinking that his expose would awaken the voters who voted for him. He needs to go. and he did, but the so-called people power two was followed by what could be one of the most corrupt administrations of this country- Arroyo's. A lot would shake their heads in regret for removing Erap only to have GMA.

And history again, would speak of people who marched with Cory against the dictatorship of Marcos only to be massacred on the streets and the farmlands.

and of people who voted and supported Duterte only to be silenced by their own folly, like me. (i would wonder who would have done better, some would say the late senator Santiago, but woe, during the trial of Erap, she was painted by the media as a lunatic, and hated by the people power as one of those who voted not to open the envelope, not has Marcos as her VP,) 

Illusions. Hopes. Duterte was not like Erap, nor GMA, nor Pnoy. He is different yes. But another illusion. Another lesson.

Chill, I am almost at the end, I just want to say these things before I decide to shut my stupid mouth.

Two things I hope for (remnants of my academic past):

We are only taught of history of how the Filipino battled the invaders - blind in our pride, not how the Filipino battled against themselves up to an ongoing political scene. That is a history that is not only closer to the truth, but highly practical. I think.

and Voter education and the lack thereof.

I thought our mayor had  good intentions, but I had qualms about voting for him when I found out who was beside him. a certain engineer whom I've heard speak at a public consultation. I thought to myself, are these the ones in his think tank? so, I tossed a coin between him and another. and so many more we supported who turned out to be big dissappointments

If only I was also as scrutinizing to national politics, i would have also scrutinized who was with pdutz, but I was thirsty and uneducated.

or vice versa, if only we are as active and knowledgeable with local issues as we are with national issues.  (what do you know of issues in your baranggay, your city?) this is out of topic, yes, but one that i continually hope would be true...

So there, despite the looming hopelessness, we could say another illusion is down the bin, and it is good it happened at the time when people seem to care a lot about politics, and to cement our lessons, we hope for political history and voter education.

----

10-14-20

 10-14-2020

Coffee is down to its final sip, the lunch break down to its final minutes and this book down to its final words... The coffee cup will eventually dry and the minutes will eventually pass ending our lunch break

but the story? We could freeze it, decide to stop on the final page, we could

We could

But could we ever stop our Curiosity, should we stop we will wonder what would have been, what could have been, and as the story freezes our minds will come up with possibilities, imagining, forecasting or reminiscing- making images and scenes inside our head, continuing the story

If not Curiosity it will be our need for Closure that will get us

the sinner hero finally finishes the trials, his sins are somewhat forgiven (especially by himself) finally he longs to belong to society, not as a criminal, not as a loser. He redeems himself stops calling himself a "murderer".

Restorative justice, will that be fair for the dead, for the other victims?

If not the closure of redemption then it's the closure of revenge, a similar need to balance things: An eye for an eye, blood for blood. And so the young sinner must suffer and not religion, not magic realism, not education will save him from a suffering or death that must await him for accidentally killing an innocent girl, while trying to kill himself for the most trivial and privileged reasons. Will his suffering redeem the dead? Will it redeem us?

Curiosity and closure

And so we go overtime, risk overbreak(and being late) and turn the page to sip the final words.

10-14-2020

A Quarantine of 9 Voices (Symposium 3)

By Aby K. Weygan

I. Begin with the Happy Ending in Mind 

"brothers and sisters" a female voice called out "Brothers and sisters, do not despair because there is good news." gesturing to those who were standing "But first, sit down"

Locked down inside a 5 star hotel, 9 poor souls, for now strangers to each otherf, lingered at the lobby. (One former guest tested positive for the dreaded virus)

Socially distanced, some waited for tests results, others relief goods,  others for good news, and someone else waited for something else. 

Like others, the Masseuse  was already seated in one of the posh lobby chairs. She crossed her legs and clasped her hands over her smartphone. Most of the other 8 followed and sat. Others were amused, others eager, doubtful, curious, and someone else felt something else. 

"This is what the good news tells us,  brothers and sisters, this is what it says",

 turning to her Bible App

"Re-Ve -LAy tionssss chapter sickssss, brothers and sisters" she read:

 "and I heard one of the four living creatures saying as with a voice of thunder, "Come." I looked, and behold, a white horse, and he who sat on it had a bow; and a CROWN('a Crown' she repeats) was given to him, and he went out conquering and to conquer"

"Brothers and sisters if you read the word of our lord, you know that the four horsemen of the apocalypse appear in the book of the revelations. The first one, as you may know if you do read the good news, we call him Pestilence, Plague, or even Pandemic, but behold for he has given us his final name"

She opens the app once again:

"Come. I looked, and behold, a white horse, and he who sat on it had a bow; and a

 the Crown, or we call Corona.  Revelations Chapter 6" 

At this point the other listeners also opened their phones, some to fact check what the masseuse/messenger was saying, some because they were bored, and someone else was reading something else.

"Brothers and sisters" and trying to win back their attention "Brothers and Sisters! the crown, the Corona is the sign! but what follows this Corona plague?

"already we are seeing riots, civil wars, the endless hate on the internet, the threat of world war 3. Yes! brothers and sisters 

next to Plague is War, 

and then Famine, 

and then Death."

"But!! brothers and sisters despair not because the lord in his infinite mercy is giving us a chance, because this quarantine was also written, it was a path taken by his very own son, our lord and savior.

For forty days, He quarantined himself in the dessert" 

Knowing better know, the messenger did not bring out her phone to read on the app.

"and in this quarantine, Jesus was tempted  by the devil, the evil evil spirit,  a total of three times! of which much like him, although we are are far from his holiness, but much like him, we are also tempted in this quarantine. Three times. "

"The first temptation is food, The devil tempted the Son of man to produce food to sate his hunger. And yet our lord shunned the devil's temptation because he knows, as we we should, that the word of god is enough.

Sadly brothers and sister how many of us hoarded food? how many of us turned to food?

There is still time, turn away from this temptation."

At this point, a man who was about to open a bottle of whiskey, suddenly stopped.

"brothers and sisters" the messenger continued "man cannot live by bread alone"

"the next temptation is to believe in miracles of greatness, brothers and sisters, how many of you are hinged their hopes in a miracle vaccine to save us from this pandemic?  

did you forget? were you tempted? That our only salvation is through His word. through His word alone brothers and sisters! what good is the vaccine if your soul is condemned"

her words are now echoing

"and the last temptation is power. Sadly, Many of our brothers have taken this pandemic as an opportunity to further their power, or to attempt to take power. Government and rebels alike. they both have fallen in the last temptation the devil attempted. The son of man was placed in a mountain called Quarantania, the mountain of temptation

look it up-later!

from where he will have dominion of all kingdoms. Our lord rightfully refused. because he knows what real power is and where his own kingdom lies. the only kingdom that matters"

"Mathew chapter-" she was about to cite the verse but thought better of it.

"Yes! brothers and sisters, this world and all its temptations, food, false miracles, power, and all earthly pleasures! the world is the Apple that lead us away from the garden. when Christ shunned the temptations, he was met with angels and their heavenly feast. imagine if we, lesser beings fall to these temptations.?

This quarantine is chance for us to make a choice brothers and sisters.

The world is the Apple before us, sweet, sinful, worldly, perishable 

but the Word of God is everlasting, it sustains the soul. 

Let us pray brothers and sisters.."

"AMEN! Amen! Amen!"shouted the man who was about to drink.

"Madame, I am truly sorry,  but before we pray"  bringing out some cups before bringing out the whiskey...

(To be continued, other voices to be revealed)

Book review: The Softness on the Other Side of the Hole

 

A 72 year old man, wanting to get high, goes inside the ladies room; the men's room is occupied. Smoking now, he hears a voice from the men's room. He responds through a small hole and despite his gruffy old-man voice, realizes that the man mistakes him for a woman.

The old man trolls, he becomes Rachel, a  truly lewd 24 year old Jewess, and the unknowing voice,  a 41 year old married Insurance Salesman. They begin a relationship akin to that of phone-sex partners, they do no see each other, but only hear each other's voices through a hole in between the two restrooms. But that is just the start.

In leaps and bounds outrageous and even gruesome, this 1966 stream of consciousness novel  is written in a voice of a persona who is arguably on high. One could joke that perhaps the author was (high) as well. for starters, take the premise, and the phone-sex like relationship which is just the beginning of a distorted sequence that explodes in your face.

This is quite a short book, but there were times that I had to put it down and laugh(and curse) in disbelief of what is happening. And yet this book is arresting and it is more than just a trip. It is also very slippery, just when I thought i figured out the metaphor of the whole set up, that is -their relationship is actually symbolic of relationship that is mundane. It starts off in another outrageous direction. it is funny, tragic, unbelievable but highly readable.

The novel written by Kenneth Davids deserves a spot in my list of unknown and old books that are definitely worth the read.

Reflecting on the film Pom Poko

Like many Cordillerans, we were raised to believe in supernatural beings that often appear in nature. We were told to treat these beings with enough respect and fear so that we should not suffer ugly consequences if we fail to do so or that there is a reward if we did so. It is a practical society with practical beliefs.

For example, if a snake visits your house, you should never ever harm it. You should even give it some wine and rice. If you kill it, one of your family members will die. I was told that most of the creatures that enter your house (i.e. grasshoppers) are actually visitors.

When I was young there was a lot of magical often tragic stories of distant family members who suffered the consequences of maltreating these creatures. And yet something is ironic

As I mentioned earlier, the Cordilleran society is by large a highly practical one(at least the society I know). This society favors development, it likes building and constructing things, and hunting and breeding animals for food and profit. 

This is somehow an irony shared with the Japanese society featured in the film Pom Poko. 

Pom Poko about a group of playful raccoon dogs whose home, the forest, is threatened by human development. Like most Studio Ghibli movies, this one is steeped in magic. Some of the raccoons have the power to transform themselves into  anything they can imagine. Thus they use these powers to wage a war for their survival against the humans who have the power to terraform the earth and destroy the raccoon's home.

Spoilers! 

And so the humans, mostly the construction workers, begin experiencing unexplainable accidents and visions which cause some of them to leave their jobs and some even to lose to their lives.

But the raccoons would eventually lose. They would lose more lives, their home and their very identities as some raccoons will opt to live as humans. The film ends in the usual celebratory and happy gathering of the raccoons dancing in the night in a closed golf course. 

Pom Poko manages to tip and balance its serious message and its playful voice. Presented in the trademark lushly colored art of Studio Ghibli, Pom Poko does not go overboard and be preachy with its overtly environmental message, nor does it also paint everything in black and white with the humans all evil and the raccoons all good, nothing of that. And while there is talk of death, nothing is every bloody in this animation. Even the sparse scenes of violence and a bit of love are veiled in comedy and color. It does however have a sort of pathos because the tragic fate of the raccoons and all other forest creature is just all too real when we are shown snapshots of destroyed forests, of dead raccoons run over by trucks while scavenging for food in the city that was never built for them.

This is also ironic. The magical raccoon dogs of Pom Poko are actually based on Japanese folklore, and in some scenes there was talk of how these raccoons were also feared and respected. And yet, the overall treatment of them, at least how movies shows, is quite the opposite.

In my own setting, I did wonder that if these supernatural beings are real then it would have been impossible to build so many developments, as many would have suffered those consequences.

But Pom Poko may have answered that. 

And as I grew up the, stories and talks about supernatural beings have gradually faded.We only hear them rarely these days.  Of course, one could always say that science and organized religion finally nailed the coffin of these beliefs and stories. But the fact that we no longer have grasshoppers entering our house should have made it obvious. In a city that mows its forests paves it, the creatures and perhaps their "supernatural" faded or chose to hide more than ever. That is the answer I read in Pom Poko.

Watching this in quarantine and having seen recent images of animals roaming empty streets and skies and waters getting clearer makes it harder for me to want the old normal back. I apologize to those who are eager to back to normal exactly as it was before. I can't explain.

Reading the Apocalypse, one book at a time: Age of Odin Review

Ragnarok is once again re-imagined. Odin and the whole gamut of Norse mythology returns for the famous final battle but this time it is waged with assault rifles and tanks.

It is the modern age, and one Gideon Coaxal, former solider and a failure of a father is recruited, perhaps chosen even, to join the gods, giants, and man alike in the war where the real world is at stake.

The premise where Gods of myth are somehow among us is something many might find laughable or many would eventually draw comparisons with American Gods. But while American Gods might fit into the dark fantasy genre, Age of Odin on the other hand is more of a beer and pretzel one, a term used for games that are very light on the rules and easy to understand.

Because as such, the novel is just like any action soldier film where we have shows of camaraderie, a bit of sex, fist fights, a lot of gun fights, outrageous bravado, and an anti hero.

Add in Norse Mythology and you have Age of Odin. as such, it is easy to conclude that the fantasy or the lore of the novel, already written becomes of secondary nature, it has become artificial. Only a backdrop to another action novel. I guess, i read the title and expected more of Odin but really, Odin and the rest are just backdrop to the main Protagonist, the former soldier.

Thus Norse Mythologiy afficcionados should give this a pass. But it is a good enough read for anyone wanting to see a skirmish between gods, machines, and men.

With such books, it also seems that anti heroes,  usually those who failed in "life", find redemption only in dire situations, in Ragnaroks.

2.5/5

Kingdom (TV series) Review: Will the real zombie please stand up?

(Netflix does not allow screenshots) 

Novelty or freshness, that is what Kingdom has over other popular zombie narratives. But is that enough to save to save it from it's many plot holes and lack of characterizations?

Popular zombie series/movies are set in post apocalyptic present day. A disease becomes  uncontrollable that society collapses. But there are survivors and we follow their story as they navigate dystopia, trying to find a cure or build society again.

On the other hand, Kingdom is set in medieval Korea where society has not yet collapsed. (not the 1st to do this, of course. A quick net search will yield other zombie or Z movies set in Asia, or medieval times. There is even a Z movie involving Jesus Christ!)

But Kingdom does this novelty well, the costumes and scenes of medieval Korea is refreshing in a genre that is saturated by rag wearing survivors in war torn cities who kill zombies or each other with modern tools. The series did not mince on its costume design especially when portraying the royal family or the palace, nor did it not miss the opportunity to show the wonderful scenery of feudal Korea, there were scenes that did this in the middle of a fight scene. My favorite was the top down view of the ice battle. I thought that was picture perfect.

I do wished they took more time to slow the pacing during those panoramic shots for more viewing pleasures but Kingdom seemingly wanted to do things really fast. A move that is the series' own bane and boon.

Most of the other Z stories I have watched thus far used the genre to zoom into human drama, like the Walking Dead, which has done so successfully but at times overdid it to the point of boredom. Kingdom has very little of the sort, the pacing moves too fast for any prolonged insight into the characters past, their feelings, and their motivations  or their relationship with each other. 

This was both good and bad. Good because it has allowed the story to maintain its high octane run from one event into the other, and do all that in just 6 episodes per season with only 2 seasons thus far. 

But, this was done by sacrificing the characterization and background history thus putting future seasons at jeopardy.

Tell me if you felt that the death of the Prince's body guard Mu Yeung's  death had any dramatic effect? nor the death of his master, Ahn Yeung? 

I bet you don't even know their names. We only know them for their roles. In fact, they sound and look the same at times. 

For sure, we know that the prince wants nothing more than to save the nation. Seo-bi, the medic wants nothing more than to find a cure. All others just want to follow the prince's wish and save the nation.

Yes some would argue that the prince initially acted haughty and dismissive of the poor. And that Yeun Shin, the guy good with the gun, initially wanted nothing but revenge and that he was ruthless. So there is character.

But because of the fast pacing, there was little build up to how they will eventually change. Suddenly, the prince is this virtuous guy full of knowledge, a good swordsman and tireless even. When just an episode ago, he was the one who started a conspiracy for himself, got easily tired climbing a mountain, and was afraid of being alone. Then the guy with the gun suddenly wanted to help him.

Where, how, why and when did these shifts of character happen? I do not remember. I don't even care. I care so less that if you kill them in the next episode, it would be ok.

Because for Kingdom, excitement is the name of the game and not necessarily the story.

One way that the series tried to cover these plot holes is by one or two line dialogues between the characters. The age old adage of show, don't tell would have been better. We know that the guard cares for his wife, he said it. Did he show enough? we know that Yeun  Shin wanted revenge on the people who killed his entire village, aside from spitting on a monument, he was quick to forgive the man who did so. And even Beom-Pal, the former cowardly magistrate suddenly just stood up and did the "right" thing. For countless episodes he was forgiven for his betrayals and cowardice. There was no outside force nor a show of inside pangs that we has struggling to do what is right. Nada, just suddenly he chooses the right path and says " this is wrong". It was because of him that many died including the prince's body guard. And yet, nobody gets angry with him. Especially not the prince. 

This move to skip these characterizations have led to two things. First, it created "perfect" but forgettable characters much like the zombies. They are perfectly virtuous forgiving each other's and their own faults, wanting only to save the country, they are devoid of any uniqueness. The prince even knows everything that needs to be done, with agonizing moments where the characters wait on him to decide what to do next. 

Again, this worked well because in the excitement and the speed, the audience will not have time to identify, or relate to or even be interested into the characters.

The problem arises when they would seek to extend the story beyond the little background, history, or drama they have show. or even beyond the only problem presented: How to save the kingdom?

That is why there have been many and expect more flashbacks to explain who the new character is, or what the situation is all about. 

Another way that this could have been done is to leave clues for the audience to foreshadow the coming events. What if they showed a survivor of the Japanese? or the Cho clan? or another clue, it would have explained better or left more avenues to continue the story. 

Introducing a new nemesis when they have said that the kingdom was united when the prince sacrificed his claim to the throne is a bit of a stretch for me.

Overall, while I find the series a good break from other slow paced z movies, I will stop with the second season. The glaring plot holes (esp with the characters) cannot be saved by more flashbacks or two line dialogues. The two seasons are worth watching, I am not so sure about future seasons.

Book Review: Villain by Shuichi Yoshida

What starts out as an escapade born out of online dating results in the murder of a young woman. This whodunit novel slowly reveals who the suspects are, and they are many despite the obvious ones, the two men she was supposedly dating.

 

At times the book reads like a classic, going into painful details to set up its theme of a lonely Japan full of lonely people, and dangerous ones. This was essential in its attempt to answer a question which is definitely more than the usual "who is the killer?" 

Likewise,  it maintains its pacing by shifting the viewpoint from character to character, all of whom share a link to either the dead victim or the murderer on the loose. Often this was effective, but there are characters that I wished could have spoken or appeared more as they were quite interesting enough on their own and with their connection to the main characters. This is more important if we guess at what the novel is trying to say especially since it will become obvious or not who the real villain or villains are. 

  

The exposition of the lives of the victims and the villains is a psycho-social autopsy and investigation going beyond the question of "why?" It gave off some vibes akin to that of Camus' "The Stranger" thus this may not be a good book for those who crave crime novels which feature bizarre characters(killers) and their actions. Nonetheless, it proves that behind what seems as ordinary life, there is something extraordinary.

Almost a Fairy Tale 3: The Knight's Lament and the Feminazi Army

(Wherein an aging knight warns his squire about the Feminazi army)

The Queen has betrayed us. Side by side, we fought against the violence done to women, side by side we fought for equality, together we sought to empower women. But, my son, power corrupts. Slowly I saw that the queen and her feminazzi army did not want equality - they wanted idolatry- idolatry to them.

Perhaps the Queen never planned to share the throne in the first place.

Castle academia already fell. Dominating this new bastion they will teach you that you, young one, by being a man, are guilty of patriarchy, toxic masculinity, and chauvinism and many others. that you must constantly watch yourself lest you sin.

I do not regret the battles that we fought. I am a warrior. But I worry about the world being built for you my son by the Queen and her Feminazi army.

Watch out for the lies that they will spread because while it is true that women are abused by men, they may not tell you that women abuse men.  A half truth is a lie.

What happened to captain Depp is not isolated. 

And then these Feminazis will preach that they, the women are marginalized, that men, like you my son, dominate society- hold too much power and should be guilty of it. Another half truth. Another lie.

Jordan P. the chronicler mentions this much: "most people who are in prison are men, most homeless are men, most victims of violence are men, most people  who do not perform well in schools are men, most of those who die in wars are men, and most people who commit suicide are men" 

Where is power in that?

And still, you will be expected to be powerful, the traditional husband provider. But will these Feminazis play the traditional wife? No, because doing so will be "beneath their status as women".

Thus you have to be strong, but again not too strong that you do not show your weakness. Be very careful of this, be very careful of whom you show your weakness to. Because the strange thing is, while they expect you to be strong and show some weakness, these Feminazis and their followers assume the role of your captain and will not tolerate any chinks in your armor, they expect you to be strong all the time or worse, assuming the role of your enemy, they will use your weaknesses against you. Perhaps in this way they remove your "power" and they themselves are "empowered". A twisted machination of the queen.

In this world that they are building, they are goddesses and we are but mere subjects.

I found this more believable when I heard the queen's army praying the words of one of their saints, saint Marilyn:"...if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.”  This was the moment I realized that they never wanted equality between men and women. They want martyrs out of men. And martys suffer and die.

I do not want to see you suffer my son. Never ever bear a lover's cross.

Reports will show that they and their followers will never handle you at your worst, they will leave you to yourself when you are at your weakest, and strangely enough with all their empowered status would eventually seek someone stronger than you, than them,  for them to eventually conquer in their insidious ways. That is their type of hypergamy.

That is why you will notice that many of our brothers have already laid down their shields, and changed classes from defending paladins to monks - Monks Going Their Own Way, into monasteries, hermitages, or the mountains.

While you have time, study this "equality" thoroughly.

And as you level up, choose your teammates and your class wisely my son and be wary of these cunning warriors - the Feminazis.

Movie Recommendations: Loving Vincent (2017), Joker (2019)

Loving Vincent : The sight, the story, and the sound

Loving Vincent (2017) is a labor of love - how it was done and what it's trying to say. Van Gogh's paintings become the very animation itself in an investigative story about his death, commonly ruled a suicide. But did he really kill himself? 

The first of its kind, the  film made of hand painted oil paintings as panels (853 paintings, 65,000 panels) was done by over 100 artists around the world. Van Gogh's works of the people around him become the characters and the setting, the places he has painted.

And it is through these works that the film tries to unravel the unfortunate circumstances to his death and in effect, the later part of his life. While an artist, through his paintings, shows us how he views his subjects, the film turns it around and shows how Vincent's subjects may have viewed him. 

Music was by none other than Clint Mansell (Requiem for a Dream), with the icing- the song "Vincent" a classic by Don Mclean which you may not listen to the same way again after watching this film.

(Vincent was supposedly Tupac's favorite song and was played on his deathbed)

Joker: What is the joke?

By now widely regarded for Joaqin Phoenix's award winning performance and mined to death by meme makers who put totally unrelated motivational quotes, Joker (2019) is a must see whether you are into super hero films or not.

Still, as a super hero film, it continues the trend of making the villains much much more interesting and well rounded (think Thanos or Killmonger), and the trend of making the hero genre darker or more mature (think Logan, The Boys(TV Series), Dark Knight etc.). Likewise, it does stay faithful to the Batman lore, even showing us for the nth time how Bruce Wayne's parents are gunned down in front of him. 

Beyond that, this is an excellent psychological drama following a sort of "disgruntled citizen" genre and how a man slowly descends into madness or is pushed into it. You watch such films with empathy and pity for the character's sufferings and watch in anticipation and horror when the bomb, their own sanity, are stretched to the limit and explode in the most gruesome or just pathetic ways.

This may be the reason why so many liked the joker and related it to the current issues on mental health and illness. Building on these themes, the film also invites you to come up with more than one possible explanation or "plot twists" as the film ends.  

Regardless, it is an homage to The Taxi Driver starring Rober De Niro who also plays a role in Joker.

However, I saw how it is more like Sean Penn's "Assassination of Richard Nixon"(2004) another film I highly recommend for its stellar acting and its pathos.

I prefer waiting for movies to be available online because I want to be able to rewind or pause. Joker was the first one I watched at a cinema by myself and it may have started an "occasional" solo habit.

HOM. Chapter 3 of 3 - Forgetting

This is a work of fiction. nothing more.

Joining a fun run after ten years, where is the fun?

3 years to be exact - 10k finished!

9-1-2019

Aside from this social media photo I can upload, I think its time to remind myself again why I join fun runs at all.

3 Ys and 3 Rs

Why pay to run a route you can run by yourself for free?  For a dri-fit shirt you can buy at a much lower price? other than that, why not run the trail or the oval, roads are for cars? (you are causing traffic, omg)

Almost a Fairy Tale pt 2: The Alchemist

A depressed alchemist brews a love potion, so he can love himself again.

So he concocts the perfect plan to gather the right ingredients. He goes into the big "town" telling everyone he has been planning to kill himself, that he has been suffering from the big D for quite some time now, and that the meds no longer work, that the hateful words of his enemies have dealt him the final crushing blow.

And "Friends"  react, showering him with likes, sad faces, and hearts. They tell him that he is beautiful, that life is still worth it, that he has to fight on, that he has allies- He is NOT alone. He gets comments after comments of advises, praises, pledge of loyalties, and even prescriptions. Satisfied. He drinks the potion.

And for quite some time he does love himself- for a night.

To those who will take the same path, learn from the ones who didn’t make it back.

By Mestiza

MAY 21, 2017 

People ask why.
The ones asked, do not know.

It is at that moment you feel your deadness while you still breathe. It is at that moment when it is not the pain that’s pushing you to the edge but the hollowness of your being that you cannot fathom. You cannot give a reason or an excuse but you are drawn to it as if it is a need you cannot ignore. You cannot tell anyone not because you are afraid to be judged but because of your own shame to yourself for not bearing the weight of your burden. Then it lurks in on your solitude, away from the eyes that will shed tears once you are gone. You do not contemplate on what you are about to do, but you simply decide it’s time. You lift yourself from the ordinariness of your situation and the numbness of your condition. You take the rope; fold it to reinforce its strength so it can hold your full weight. You tie it around a thick large nail half- driven into the concrete wall then a knot at the other end. You take the pink stool from under the bed. You place it against the wall. You stand on it. You slide your head into the knot. It fits perfectly around your beautiful neck. Your heartbeat does not race. There is astrange calmness in your chest. You feel the stool with your right foot. You push it aside. You let yourself drop. You feel the rope tighten. Your neck stiffens as if it’s trying to fight back. The veins in your temple and below your jaw throb. You hear it from inside your ears. Your eyes start to water. It feels warm. Something in your throat tries to push itself up. It raises the back of your tongue up to the roof of your mouth. You feel your tongue thickens. The tip of your fingers tingles. Slowly, you cannot move your feet. You do not think of anything. Your life does not flash before your eyes. You do not gasp for air but it slowly thins away. Your breath is short and shallow. Your vision slowly goes black, maybe because your lids shut or the eyes roll. Then the rope snaps. You cannot catch your fall because your knees feel weak. Then there’s familiar scratch on the lower part of the door. Two tiny hands. You struggle yourself up. You wipe your face clean. You take a deep breath. You open the door. She’s barely two years old. You carried her back to the living room. You detach once again, gently closing the door behind you. You sit on the corner of your bed. Staring blankly at nothing. Everything goes back to normal. But just on the outside. The one that is not obscure. The emptiness has not gone away. Two weeks pass. You are back again. But this time, it’s a leather belt. You set yourself free. And this time, the nail releases itself from the concrete wall. Nobody knocks on the door. You have time to collect yourself. You do not stand up. Your head feels light as if you have just awakened from a deep trance. You think "why twice?" You try and twice you failed. You convince yourself it must be a sign. It tells you have to persist. That you continue until you resurrect from the demise of something within you. And all shall be realized but not today. You will when it is not there anymore. When you look back. When the memory of your senses come rushing back so vividly. When you question yourself what kind of courage you must have mustered to make you so capable. You are a prisoner of your own self. You hand down the sentence, you await your execution. You feel the coldness of the concrete floor. Your stomach churns. You bury your face in the palm of your hands. And you cry as though you have never cried before.

To those who came through, do not forget what you’ve almost lost.

To those who will take the same path, learn from the ones who didn’t make it back.

"it"

Have you ever thought of "it"?of just doing "it"?to just get "it" over with?
I know you thought of "it". You think of "it".
"It" is so simple too simple. Isn't "it"?
"it" is what "it" is.
So what don'y you just do "it"?
What is stopping you from doing "it"?

everybody else is doing "it"
why don't you do "it"?
you should be doing "it"
but you're not?
"It" doesn't makes sense.

just do "it". I know you can do "it". I can do "it". everybody can do "it"
you can actually get away with "it"

but does "it" even matter anyway if you do "it" or not do "it"?
because "it" does'n't matter. "it" doesn't even make sense.
don't metion "it" but do tell me about "it"
"it" hurts, but "it" is ok
so does "it" even matter anyway
if you do "it"?
or not do "it"?

"it" is time
for what?