Solving Metamorphosis Chapter 4: Are you a Brave Idiot or a Wise Coward?

CCTV dream sequence part 1 of 3

"yu hav a det vish, all hu vander into da abyzz nevar kam back and vor doze dat do return( and I rememberr onli van,) ,  he vaz zucked in agen...nevar to return."

(The video is split, one from the vantage point of the desk showing who comes in and out and the other from a vantage point with the purpose of showing who is behind the desk and what object gets in and out of from the stock. The "customer is wearing a police officer's uniform standing in front of the custodian's desk with a dilapidated sign that says "on leave". Sitting behind it, is an inmate with hair like pasta)

(subtitles brought to you by -----)

Running Journal No. 1: The Plan

Let’s skip the part where we need to say why we are running.

Today marks the first step in re-installing running into my system. Around three years ago, I used to run at least 3 times a week. Gradually, however, it went down to only one run a week, sometimes even once every two weeks. I hold no excuses but my own laziness.

This afternoon, I took my dog Tyrion out for a run - much to his delight. This is the first type of the three runs I will be doing every week.

As mentioned, this run would involve running with the dog. A double edged run as the dog needs his run as well.  This will be an easy run at a “relaxed” pace and with a distance that is just enough to make me sweat. The distance and pacing will gradually increase depending on the results of the next run and if the dog adopts well. For now, it is an uphill downhill run of just 3 Kilometers. This run serves to maintain the level of fitness demanded by the next run.

Why Make a New Year’s Resolution? (An Existential Take)

We meet the lights in the sky with our eyes open wide; we crane our necks for whichever direction the short lived explosions will meet the darkness. We make noise; we blast our horns.  We celebrate- saying goodbye to the old year and meeting the new one.

But that is only half the story.

Because deep inside, we are also jolted by another noise, another light albeit not as fancy as the ones we see, not as loud as the ones we hear. But it is just as heavy as the food, leaves a hangover like the booze.

The Last Chapter

Now or never before the new year, as this struggling writer prepares to pen the final chapter of this paper. Which upon completion will give him the face to enter the next phase of the big big rat race.

(a long overdue assignment to pass a subject)

But something is wrong. For after the hours that turned into days of finding inspiration - the hours and days of masterful procrastination, of hours and days of sensual stimulation, nothing is happening.

The words are not coming. (Coitus interruptus, for lack of a better term)

For even if the most dead of all deadlines is fast approaching, the words are not coming.

Coffee.

Nothing

Another cup.

Still nothing.

Exercise makes the brain work they say.

So ten push ups, ten pull ups, then sit ups, chin ups.

Still nothing.

The die is cast, now he must call the bet. Otherwise fold after going all in.

The hours are marching in.

How about hunger? Done that. Did not eat for 2 days.

Only when all seems lost does hope come out of horizon, he brings out his ultimate weapon of mass destruction.

The cobra…

Energy drink! Cobra energy drink. One bottle. And still nothing. So he wonders maybe the venom 

needs a sting. Sting energy drink! (red)

Still nothing! But his heart is already pounding.

Hmm he wonders if the Cobra’s Sting is not Enough, and so he figures he needs the charge of a bull, a Red Bull!(energy drink).

And  wanting to make sure , Lipovitan (why not?)  Hell energy drink(of course), and add in another cup of brewed coffee.

His heart raced (or slowed down, he neither knows nor cares) but time has become immaterial.

flowing sweat from the exercise and the three cups of hot coffee stopped dead on their tracks, his growling stomach from not eating for two days continued to growl, his throbbing heart from the Bull-headed Cobra’s sting named Lipovitan from Hell continued to throb.. all frozen in a space-time continuum.

And then, and only then, does he find enlightenment, satori, divine inspiration. The answers to the secrets of humanity-  are there aliens? Will he ever find true love? Is Rizal really gay? Did god make dinosaurs? Will the Philippines ever have two or three internet providers?will the dutertards win or the dilawans? Why are mosquitoes buzzing on my ear?

And he finds himself transported in the 7^th dimension as he looks at himself finally writing the paper. The paper which is in actuality a time-deprived story about a writer who finally writes a long awaited story but does not fini

Reflections on Culture and on "Tanabata's Wife" (The Movie)

Teatro Amianan, Baguio City November 18, 2018. The film ended and there followed an awkward silence. Some of the audience looked at each other wondering and waiting. Then someone started the clap.

Was this silence from a speechless admiration for a great film? Or a silence because there was something missing and the audience was waiting for it never to come?  and what does it say to those many who watched because the film featured the Cordilleras and had Cordilleran actors? What can we say?

Diary of the Frustrated Literature Teacher Entry No. 3: Becoming a Bookseller (Final Entry?)

I never knew the day would come when I would look at a book and ask myself, “how much could I sell this?”

In all curiosity, I used to ask what’s the story? What is the idea? I would buy that book. Never mind if I really planned to read it. Never mind if forgot an item in the grocery or the entire grocery, I would spend hours browsing at a bookshop wondering, and eventually buying.

I buy books out of the need to sate my curiosity, now I buy books out of my need for money.

(I try to do both.)

Chapter 3 Prison? Emails? of Juan Del Valle Juan? et al? - Missing You Missing Me

18 years prior to the ODA interview of Inspector Javier T.

(Part 1 of 3 compilations)

Missing You Missing Me

From Juan Del Valle Juan
                                                            To Pahn Tin                                                                                                                          
                                                                                                           April 18, 2008

Pahn, My Love,

        This empty and unpainted room.  The silence. They're nothing. These are nothing I couldn't endure. But give me a second to realize you are not here with me, that I could not see you if I wanted to and I shiver. I struggle to endure, I do not know how long I can.  As soon as I found I could, here I am writing to you.

              Pahn. I miss you. I really really miss you. 

          There is no regret for every pandesal I stole, no regret that I was captured by those two dozen Tanods, and no pain after they beat me up. After 24 fists did I fall and after 24 boot stomps I still rose. But this longing for you and this holding on to the memories of our stolen moments, bring me down faster and longer than the two dozen Tanods( with their 24 fists and 24 stomps). You are the only reason I regret my life as a Pandesal thief. I should have listened to you. Forgive me.

            Now all I is your graduation picture. And a pillow

             But Enough of pain and regret.  Enough. I do not want you to worry, for it is not your worried look that I cherish the most, it is your dimpled smile.

              Let me tell you three things to smile about

            1. I am getting out of this prison, that much is certain.

            2.  This cylindrical prison is one of the three prisons of B-- -City,  Also called as the Pit, it is the most unbelievable prison built downwards much like a mine, each floor from the highest to the lowest segregates the criminals by how severe or light their crimes are. The lower the floor, the more heinous the crime. 

               

           The first floor(the highest of the three) houses common thieves and other thieves of higher profile.

       

        To maintain goodwill with big time prisoners (for the rich get out sooner or later). I believe that to solve this, they improved "accommodations" for the first floor. So here I am with internet access (as is my right but with no social networking), with clean comfort rooms and balanced meals and pampered and physically safe co-prisoners.

          

         But people here are boring:  common thieves, guards, rich prisoners. Some are too comfortable to be here. I can't blame them they are being fed for free. And then there are others who try so hard to live as they were when they were outside.

There are rumours of a secret fourth floor. Maybe the people there are less predictable.

              

        There is, however, one person here on my own floor who is different from the rest. And already I consider him a friend.

              

           3.  That person is not a fellow prisoner but a young officer about my age. He was assigned to this prison the same day that I "checked" in. And while our friendship is still limited to four conversations. I know he and I are going to be good friends. our conversations started when he asked me about your picture.  He is SPO1 Javier T.

              

            I will get out. Please smile for me Pahn, smile for us.

              

          Know that You are my Dream, my panaginip when I sleep and my pangarap I wake. I will serve my penance . I will get out of this prison. Wait for me Pahn, I love you.

Your only one,

Juan Del Valle Juan

From Pahn Tin

to Juan Del Valle Juan

                                                                                                                                                April 18, 2008

My One and Only,

           Juan,  my Juan, I am smiling. I often wonder about this effect you have on me. Just awhile ago, there was only grief, only sadness. Now, I am brimming with joy.  And its only because of your words. What more if... Yes Juan, I will wait for you.

         

          As of now, it is only words that connect us. Let me use more, hoping that with merely words I cold relive all the sensations I know we will regain from each other.

            

           -My long hair, your  hands, your longer hair. I miss the way your hands softly move on my hair, untangling it. And how with the wooden comb you gave me(I still have it), I untangle yours. I hope they did not cut your hair.

        

          -my arms, my large arms that you actually liked! and your powerful arms. How I long to have your head  pillowed on my arms once again. And with my arms tiring, my own head pillows in your own arms. Do your remember how deep and long our sleep was despite that changing of pillows?

          

           -above all, its your dark eyes. Remember I told you that  I sometimes fear them? Its as if your eyes enter my soul without knocking. Sometimes mocking,  other times probing. But just a blink and your eyes smile and speak of compassion, of childlike wonder even. I will not tire looking at your eyes, wondering what they mean.

          

          -of course, there's your six pandesals  that you so baked unto your abdomen, how I desire to stroke them again trailing down-

          

          I too should stop this, lest I be accused of pornography ( it is good Friday :) )

          More importantly

          I should not leave our love to the mercy of poetry. I remember the sad lives of poets.

 .     
Oh Juan, get out of that prison and free our love.

Forever yours,

Pahn Tin

Pahn Tene to Juan Del Valle Juan

                                                                                                                                                April 18, 2008

My one and only,

         I cannot help but write, do write to me once you can my love. Also I am happy that you have found a friend. Friends are important, even Killua's father said so (yes I went back to watching our favorite anime,  lets watch it again together when you get back).

          Tell me more about this interesting friend of yours. Speak to me about your friend Javier T.

Forever yours,

Pahn Tene

Pah Tene to Juan Del Valle Juan

                                                                                                                         

 April 19, 2008

My one and only,

              Please do not, for any reason go down the lower levels of The Pit. Before he went abroad, remember what your master told you about that place. He was not even himself when he talked about it. Promise me Juan, do not go down from the first floor. I love you very much.

Yours Forever,

Pahn Tin

From Chief Inspector Parr Lak

to SPO1 Javier T.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                         April 19, 2008

Confidential

Officer Javier T,

              I congratulate you for completing your police training at the top of your class. Here is also a belated congratulations for having finished your degrees in criminal psychology and forensic science magna cum laude for both. No doubt, these are impressive achievements. But like all trophies, you need a place (of equal grandeur) to put them.

             Your final test. Perhaps you are wondering. The reason we assigned you in The Pit is for you to ascertain our suspicions, grave as they are and cement your achievements, great as they are.  Now two years ago, there was a series of murders in the level three basement of that prison. They were never solved. 

            As you might know already, an inmate was murdered two weeks  before you arrived and then our own Investigator followed three days after. you will find out that  death of our very own Inspector Aby W. and the ones before him were all due to an extreme trauma from a blunt object - probably an arnis or a pipe. Perhaps you now know our heavier motive for assigning you this case.

         Even after Aby W's thorough cross examinations and investigations there still is no evidence that the murderer resides on any of the floors. If you have reason to believe that he/she is elsewhere on that prison, report to me first.

            Employ any legal means necessary. And remember everyone is expecting great and speedy results from your investigation.

Sincerely,

Parr Lak

Chief Inspector

Review: Selda Senakulo

Selda Senakulo concluded with us, the audience together with the cast and the crew light each other's candles to place them beneath the crosses of Christ and the two criminals. In one single instance, the line drawing who was an audience and who was a performer was erased. In one single instance those who were “free” and those deprived of liberty mingled, as guests and inmates performed together whether in ritual or in theater. That was a most fitting ending.

Beyond that, was Selda Senakulo another of your usual holy week life of Christ story? and did it stand out just because it was staged inside a prison and acted out by inmates?

The House of Memories: Part 2

(a half-truth)

By Aby K. Weygan

It doesn’t matter if you were out for 7 days, 7 hours or 70 minutes. Doesn’t matter if you get home the winner or the biggest loser in the game of being a man. Of being a woman. Whether you are broke or broken, whenever you fail that exam- again and again, beset with all manners of rejections and ejections. 

They matter not.

When you get home, your dog will still greet you wagging his tail left and right, left and right. Someone is always excited to see you. And with your permission, he would lick you –after licking his balls all day or the anus of other dogs. YES- even in a shit storm there is hope. Believe me, that is what your dog tells you, it’s what he tells me. Always, but not all the time…

Today, I bought a shovel.

Alliterant Alphabet

or An Existential, Metaphysical, but Utterly Inconsequential Abysmal Alphabet

AB is for Aby

(c. 2014)

Abbot of aberrations (with abs) tried to abandon his abnormalities only to create a bigger abomination, abort now or be absorbed by an abundance (or absence ) of absurdity and ability and self-absorption? welcome to the abyss
there is no absolution for us, fellow aberrant
but it is A Beautiful day

D is for  DOODLE
(c. 2017)

Disquieting Dreams at Dawn Disturb a Dozing Denizen of human Drama, Drawing for him a Diorama of the too Delicate bonds of a family, of the Damning Duality of Displayed morality and of the Drabness of normality, oh Doodle doodle Doodle, to Desecrate or Deteriorate? It's a Debate, can you Dig it? Caan youu dig it?! Then Dig Deep down deep deep down and Discuss with the Dog his life and yours ,Dig Deeper and Discover the Delights of the Dungeon, Dig Deeper still and you will be Delivered to the Dragon,. Start Dancing

R is for RANT
(c. 2013)

Let me Rant and Rave, Remorseful for Rejecting a Romance I now (only) Repetitively Reminisce,
Let me Rant and Rave, Remembering the Ruthless Restrictions that had no Rhyme , no Reason.
Where is the Resolution to this Reluctant Repetition?
The Reclusive Renegade, who couldn't Release the Ruled from heR RulerRs
Is RuptuRed with RegRet.
But ReveRbeRates with Rage.
My Release, Repentance? Relish a more Ruthless Response than Rejection
My Respite, Reunion? (if there be) a Remnant of that Romance
Or my Renaissance? Rebound, Revenge
And Revel as I Raze the Roaches to my Rabid Redemption

Ish! is for Ish!, an expression of exasperation and irritation
(c. 2017)

How do we SHake off the SHadow that SHackles our empty SHell
we continue to SHiver as the truthful SHimmer of the sun
 is SHunned by the SHape of our own SHade

all our SHiznits amounting to SHit
but SHould this daily SHow of our CHarade SHatter,
in SHock
we will forever SHower in SHame.

ish!
When we SHed all the SHam, one SHall ask
who am I? Who are you?
SHoo SHoo away from me
or
SHot, SHot mo ketdi (a special expression)

How to Develop a Reading Habit: Read One Page A Day

1) Read one page a day, that's it.

But since you are already here, stay awhile and  read the next 3. It is possible to go further because

2) There is always time to read.
Interspersed in the stretch of 24 hours you will probably have the time to:
wait in line, like this:

or to be stuck in something like this:

to eat somewhere without WIFI probably in a place like this:

or sit waiting for your poop to drop in something like this:

By reading during those times and adding a page before I sleep and sometimes after I wake (to stop myself from logging on to Facebook or Instagram) here's what I read this month of May to the first week of June:

(Books read for May to early June)

Quite a small feat for me who has an 8 hour job(that has nothing necessarily related to Literature) , a girlfriend, a cat, a dog who feels the need to join my jogging, hobbies, Facebook and Instagram accounts, the occasional beer or 2x2.
Yup, like many I am busy doing things that matter and things that don't.

2) There is no pressure- especially the pressure to finish a book.

If we live in a results and profit oriented world, it is important to set a special separate place for the things we do mainly for the process of having fun.

People can wait months for the next season of a hit TV show like Game of Thrones or The Walking Dead, and when the new season starts showing,  most people don't really feel the need to re-watch everything from the previous seasons. The same is true with your sitcoms, you just watch one episode a day or a week.

With books it is most definitely possible. If a book becomes too dragging you can always pause it, and start a new one, and maybe in another day you might continue the book as you would continue a TV show. Just a short recap will do.

My "currently reading" pile of books- you will need lots of bookmarks.

Or you can always abandon the book altogether because reading, in this case, should not be a chore. there is no pressure to finish a book  you are reading for pleasure. If you just can't or don't want to then you don't have to. The father of the Essay, Montaigne, says this much.

“I am not prepared to bash my brains for anything, not even for learning’s sake however precious it may be. From books all I seek is to give myself pleasure by an honourable pastime… If I come across difficult passages in my reading I never bite my nails over them: after making a charge or two I let them be… If one book wearies me I take up another.”

The right book for you is the book that you are totally interested in and for whatever the reason.

Of the books from the books read for May to early June, one was the inspiration for a 1979 cult movie that became a hit PlayStation game that my brother and I played to death, The Warriors(1965)(no relation to Golden State). Another book, The Spinoza Problem,  is the latest in a series of psycho-philosophical books written by an author I am currently following, Irvin Yalom. Another book, the Jabberwocky, I bought and read simply because I like the drawings.

Recently, my friends spoke to me about a genre they are into, the  Light Novel- a manga written as a novel.

These are times when there is always something for someone to read. Plus there are a lot of  bookstores selling second hand books you can buy at marked down prices.

Thus,

3) Always Carry a Book

My brother demonstrated the three taps before leaving the house:

Tap for your phone, tap for your ID, then tap for your  wallet. 

For the fourth one, tap for your book, 

The time spent finishing this article or the time spent scrolling until you saw this is the same amount of time needed to read one page.

as a bonus -

4) Log out. Unplug.

Pick the right book or books and read one page a day.

(thanks to the traffic,Pila and the carenderia)
For the books in the done reading photo : thanks to aunt yoba for her pasalubong all the way from Missouri," The Spinoza Problem " all other books I bought at Bookends Baguio

Review: Anatomy of An Octopus Woman

We can imprison the body. Can we imprison the mind?

Just got back from watching "Anatomy of an Octopus Woman" at the Baguio Women's Jail Dormitory, I want to give a shout out to my friend, the director and one of the performers Angelo Aurelio. Thanks for inviting me, I was speechless enough to find myself writing this.

Anime Review: One Punch Man Season 1

photo:www.viz.com

So they say, conflict is at the heart of every good story, and we say even if it is a comedy.

One Punch Man is an anime that makes you laugh about other animes. It is a brilliant parody of all that is trite about other titles.

First Eulogy for the House of Memories

By Aby K. Weygan

By the time I am done writing this, the old house of my childhood will be reduced to dust and rubble - flattened and paved as parking lot for its new owners' three cars. Moreover, the surrounding lots have been sold and mowed down to give way for more cement. Heavily, I feel that the memories of that place, fragments of my early life will forever vanish. 

Block by block, tree by tree- there is so much to remember, so much to forget.

PU - OR

By Invictus

Photo grabbed from Flickr

This shortage of pebbles... this hole.
This shortage of patience... this rage. 
This rage... this human combustion... this conflagration.
This sinner... this mirror... this place called Sodom.
These words of God... this damnation... this fire goddess bound to burn in the lake of fire.
This burning feeling but need to be humble... this terrible experience... this humbling experience.
This boiling lava... this explosion... this aftermath... this regret.
This game called Playing God... these balls of fire... this s*** that backfires
These words like tinder... this inferno of a mouth... this pyromania.
These burnable dreams used for bonfire... this ash... this phoenix... this ascension... this mythical magic... this myth... this miss... dismiss!
This smoldering hope... this body... this cremation... this arson.
This titan who stole fire from the gods... this self-entitlement.
This jump from a window of a burning apartment... this escape... this reality… this escape from reality. 
This conviction... this Joan of Arc... this death by burning.
This Dothraki's Khaleesi... this mother of dragons... this Mary Magdalene... this Jezebel... this whore... this strength... this bitch... this resilience... this fiery woman. 
This burned food... this black... this food that stole your bike... these jokes that ignite hate. 
This magnifying glass... this sunlight... these ants... this scorched skin... these cigarette burns... this numb.
This trash... this incineration... this holy. 
This... This!